A month removed from the July 4th fiasco, I’m finally able to talk about it. I think. Maybe. We’ll see.

Thank You, Utah. https://t.co/ICfocNeZfW

— Gordon Hayward (@gordonhayward) July 4, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsOne summer I snuck over the border—into Wyoming that is—and bought all the fireworks my teenage wallet could afford. I had made a bottle rocket launcher out of PVC pipe, so I stocked up on various rockets. Firecrackers were always a hit, so I got a stash of those, too. Then I found it: a monster. It was an eight holed, eight ball roman candle that would shoot ’em up, continuously, all at the same time. I brought it home, to surprise my mother, for our Fourth of July firework show in our quiet, residential neighborhood. It did surprise my mother as it tipped mid-explosion and sent roman candles inside our house, at our bush, in a neighbor’s tree, and hit multiple windows on multiple houses. It was a disaster.

Much like my firework show as a stupid adolescent, 2017 was just as unforgettable. Gordon Hayward was a miscalculated firework that left the holiday a dumpster fire. By announcing his (in)decision, the Utah Jazz roster tipped and was sent sprawling in all sorts of directions as he left town with a blazing hole in his wake. On the holiday that celebrates our nation’s independence, and the holiday that is NBA Free Agency, many were left frustrated, distraught, and straight up annoyed. It was a disaster.

Now one month removed, and a full cycle of grief later, I’m able to look toward the future with hope. Well, maybe.

We all know the drill. Hayward was a highly sought after free agent, the prime target and prize for a team with cap space. He went on three visits: first to Miami (his wife didn’t even know who Pat Riley is), then to Boston with a Fenway tour (PS, Hayward hates baseball and wasn’t that impressed) and then back to his home in San Diego to meet with the Utah Jazz Avengers cast of Gail and Greg Miller, Tony Steve Starks, Dennis Lindsey, Quin Snyder, Rudy Gobert, Rodney Hood, BFF Joe Ingles, and fresh from Spain Ricky Rubio.

He turned our heroes down not once, but twice in a PR blunder, deciding to hang out in Boston with the Suicide Squad instead.

Stage One: Denial

When the (first) report started to surface that G-Time was heading to Boston, I didn’t want to believe it. But then Zach Lowe (ESPN) confirmed it, Tony Jones (Salt Lake Tribune) confirmed it, and I started to get sick. A few minutes later, however, reports started coming through that he hadn’t made a decision yet and he was still deliberating. See, I thought to myself, it could still happen. It’s not official.

Buuuuuuuuut, it was unofficially official and I knew it, even if it took another four hours to confirm, but I resolved to not believe it.

My father-in-law, across the pond in Europe, texted my wife and I and said, “Mom and I heard the news. We just want you know that you’re both in our thoughts and prayers (sad face emoji).” My immediate reply was “Nothing is 100% confirmed.”

A group text with my uncles was similar:

• Uncle #1 “Say it ain’t so Hayward (sad face emoji).”
• Uncle #2: “Now the reports are that he hasn’t decided yet, according to his agent.”
• Steve: “Yeah lots of conflicting reports going on. Who knows? Gotta hold out hope a little while longer.”
• Uncle #1: “Weird, I just barely read (the ESPN original report). We’ll keep hoping then and crossing our fingers.”

I just didn’t want to believe it, so I didn’t. It hadn’t happened (yet) and really, it wasn’t going to happen.

I was wrong.

Uncle #1: “Ugggh.” Uncle #3: “#Bailward.” Steve: “Crying emoji.”

Stage Two: Anger

As the night moved on, I found myself really agitated and short with the loved ones around me. I was annoyed and I was beginning to get angry.

RIP #Stayward. How ironic that it was over a billboard that says “your career begins with us.” pic.twitter.com/au9m7vhV4S

— Gobert Era (@UtahJazz6Man) July 9, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsTo this day, I haven’t read his BS Manifesto on The Player’s Tribune, but I saw snippets on Twitter. I read that he was going to Boston “for unfinished business” which was a slap to my face. Unfinished business with a college coach from seven years ago? You played 69 total games with Brad, and he made you into an NBA caliber player, but you jumped from a 20 win team without Quin Snyder to winning 30 then 40 then 50 while you became an All-Star under Snyder’s glorious hair gel.

How could Hayward not see that we needed him? We gave him a standing ovation and cheered his name for his home game finale, we petitioned for billboards, and assured ourselves our hometown hero loved SLC and his team. In return, he gave us a blog post that didn’t mention a single current teammate.

Unfinished business is taking another step or two to deliver a franchise starved of championships, instead of jumping ship to make it easier to get Boston their 18th.

I stared at Twitter, laughing darkly at all the new hashtags surfacing. #Bailward #Betrayward and a few more inappropriate ones.

Stage Three: Bargaining

Because of the timing, we missed out on a replacement. It’s not entirely Hayward’s fault. Danilo Gallinari committed to the Clippers the night before Hayward’s decision (and now broke his hand punching an opponent in Euroleague ball), everyone knew Otto Porter would sign a max but that the Wizards would match, and Rudy Gay became available around the same time as Hayward left but if Rudy Gay makes you excited, then I feel bad for you.

But isn’t there something? Give us anything! We were now deep into Free Agency and options were running thin, but there had to be something the Jazz could do to fill the hole Hayward would leave.

A few days went by and it came out that the Jazz were willing to do a Sign-and-Trade, but Hayward would have to sign off on it. Well, at least do us a favor and give us a competent replacement with Jae Crowder or a solid shooter and defender in Avery Bradley.

Instead, nothing. Again, it might not be Hayward’s fault but we still came up empty whereas Paul George got Indy something before they traded him and Chris Paul got the Clippers assets, too.

Jazz fire back at Celtics, sign Swedish Gordon Hayward. https://t.co/bLUdBguMH8

— Chris Forsberg (@ESPNForsberg) July 13, 2017

Or, I bargained, at least show some class and call the Millers. Let us know how hard it was, how agonizing it felt to leave. Give credit where credit is due and thank all those within the Jazz who made you who you are. Cite your sources, G, without Salt Lake and group taking a chance on you, you aren’t the hot topic free agent going on campus tours. Instead, he texted a few people, and -poof- was gone. The Jazz, as respectable as always, took out a full page ad to thank Hayward, which is usually what the player leaving is supposed to do.

Can’t wait for GH to get fouled in a game & have the ref swallow his whistle so I can say, “Hayward getting as many calls as Gail Miller.”

— Angie Treasure (@snark_tank) July 15, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsStage Four: Depression

As it settled that this would be our roster, people started saying that Rodney Hood could be a viable replacement and we still have Alec Burks on our roster, too. If those two play ball, they can easily replace Hayward’s productivity.

Call me Pessimistic Petey, but listen to that statement: how on earth can you count on Hood to replace Hayward’s productivity? Hood would have a good night, but then be 6-23 the next game. FiveThirtyEight, an ESPN project, has an analytics system to compare current players and their stats to realistically predict how they might perform moving forward. The best player comparison for Hood is a 2012 CJ Miles, who played mostly off the bench for a 25 win Cleveland team and averaged 11.2 points. Whoohoo.

Hood is 24 so he can grow, and I would love him to do so, but his 188 game career sample size pegs him at 12.4 ppg while shooting 36% from deep while showing his lack of versatility as he chips in 2 assists and 3 boards a game. And let’s not even talk about defense.

And Burks? In the last three seasons, he has played 27, 31, and 42 games. According to FiveThirtyEight for Burks, his player comps are Rodger Phegley, Jeff Gayer, Dion Glover, Derrick Dickey, Todd Lichti, Anthony Peeler, Gary Forbes, and Charles Davis. How many of those guys have you heard of before?

This thought alone left me depressed. Questions such as these only deepened the depression: Where will our offense come from in the future? If a guy like Hayward (low-key, Christian, drafted him, works hard, developed here to become a star) won’t stay in SLC, who will? Winning a ring was a long shot with him, but isn’t it even a longer shot now?

And simply: Why didn’t he love us?

Stage Five: Acceptance and a little Taylor Swift

Hayward decided to sabotage another Utah July holiday when Woj of ESPN announced he’d air a podcast with Hayward as his guest on the 24th of July. My wife and I were in Bear Lake and set to come home that Monday night. She asked if I wanted to listen to the podcast on the way home. I said no.

The first thing I turned on as we drove home? The podcast.

It was pretty good closure to hear the schedule and details of his tours, his thought process, how hard coming to the decision (presumably) was, and what he see’s moving forward for both Utah and Boston.

He left us. It is what it is. And it’s over. From a basketball point of view, I get it. Boston is in the east with an easier path in the playoffs and more opportunities for individual recognition like All-Star appearances. He gets to play with a talented group and for a great guy/coach/friend in Stevens. He also got a lot of money. It makes sense.

I still think Utah would have been the best place for him, and I do think we need a guy like him to make a dent in the crowded Western Conference. With Rudy and Quin, we will be OK, but I see us as a team fighting for the 7th/8th playoff spot rather than 50+ wins and a top 4 finish in the West. We are too talented, too hard-nosed, and too talented on D to go back to the lottery. Like Joe Ingles said, it’s time to move on and recognize the pieces on the roster and the damage, as scrappers and fighters, we can impose on the league.

Time to move on my friend! Look at the exciting roster we have instead! https://t.co/mGyoccFXAi

— Joe Ingles (@Joeingles7) August 3, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsMy wife tried to make me smile and laugh when she suggested “All You Had To Do Was Stay” by Taylor Swift was the Gordon Hayward anthem. Reluctantly, I let her blast it after the Woj podcast. One day, when Isaiah Thomas is ball hogging or LeBron beats them in the Eastern Conference Finals (with the Cavs and when he joins the 76ers the following year) or during a Ringer podcast with Bill Simmons or, my personal favorite, when he meets Rudy Gobert at the rim, Hayward will realize his mistake and call up Deron Williams for a drink. Together, in a bar, they’ll listen to T-Swift and realize how good they had it.

Consider:

People like you always want back the love they gave away
And people like me wanna believe you when you say you’ve changed
The more I think about it now the less I know
All I know is that you drove [the Jazz] off the road

Hey, all you had to do was stay
You had the palm [of Rudy’s hand]
Then, why’d you have to go and lock us out when we let you in
Hey, now you say you want [a ring]

Now that it’s just too late
Well, it could’ve been easy

All you had to do was stay