Heather, Kai and I were able to attend church at the hospital this morning. It felt so nice to be together for a spiritual meeting, something that hasn’t happened for quite some time. Just like old times, Kai was anxious to leave, loud with his snacks, and broke crayons but new was our street clothes attire and stadium seating auditorium. 

There is a special spirit in these hospital church meetings, which was increased today with the fact that it was a testimony meeting to start the new month. Testimonies were brief, but profound and all centered on the love of God.

I had an experience this week that helped reinforce my testimony on the love of God. When I am separated from everyone, I’m at my lowest and most vulnerable state. One night this past week, I was low as I tried to sleep. I couldn’t as my anxiety hit and worthless thoughts of worthlessness crept in. For whatever reason, I started a checklist in my head. I thought, do I believe in God? Yes, I do. Do I then believe I am a child of God? Yes, I do. If I am, do I believe He knows me? Yes. Wouldn’t that also mean He wants to hear from me and does listen to my prayers and pleadings? I settled on another yes. And if I believe all of that is true, wouldn’t that show He loves me; do I believe He loves me? Again, yes. And if that is all true towards me, that’s also true towards you. 

During testimony meeting today, I followed a similar checklist for Christ, getting to the point of asking myself if I believe he suffered for my sins. I have felt the reality of repentance and forgiveness in my life before, so I said yes I do believe in the Atonement. But, as one person pointed out today, do I believe it extends to the trials I experience? For some reason, I view the scars on his hands as price for my sins but I now think of his arms stretched to carry and extended to uphold my burdens and trials. That is part of the Atonement, too and something that is being added to my personal testimony and connection to Christ. 

Side note: we have another picture of Kai and Navy to add to their small collection. She was fidgety and Kai reached over to hold her hand. She calmed with that embrace and my dad heart melted. He’s been such a joy to have with us this weekend. His cough is also gone, so no extra anxiety and guilt, too!