If It All Goes Right (or wrong)….Part Two

ICYMI: The Utah Jazz summoned the powers from on high and took down the Clippers in a seven game series that saw them win three on the road, and play without their top dogs due to knee scares and food poisoning. It was an intense couple of weeks, but it all went right in the end for the Jazz to get by. Read the grades of the series here.

Let me be honest.

At this point, now that we’ve advanced, I’m all for moral victories. If we steal a game from Golden State, awesome. If we lose by eight instead of fourteen, awesome. If we break Draymond’s nose, awesome. I’m not expecting big things, but if we can hang with them, play with fire, squeak out some battles instead of winning wars then I’ll be OK.

However, there is a very real possibility it all goes right.

Picture this:

The Warriors haven’t played a game since April 24, when they completed their sweep of the Portland Trail Blazers. Warriors watched the Jazz-Clippers series and were quite bummed when the Jazz won because “there’s no nightlife in Utah” (in reality, this is a true story, but can you blame them for saying so?). They were also bummed because they had created Cliff Paul jerseys that they wanted to harass Chris with, as they were bound to embarrass him. Unfortunately for them, the Jazz did the embarrassing for them. “Just spoils it all,” says one Warrior, “Why couldn’t we have the fun of blowing up that dysfunctional franchise. Boo to Utah for doing it first. Boo.”

Annoyed at this, they lay an egg during game one, and it all starts right from the tip. The Jazz’s game plan is to exploit the paint (in reality, it is probably the only area of strength verses this Warriors team). They give the ball to Rudy who tries a post move and it actually looks really smooth for once and the ball goes through the net. Everyone is stunned. The next possession, a pass to Rudy at the high post. Surprising everyone, he takes a 15 footer, like his buddy D-Favs always does, and swish. Another two for the Stifle Tower. End of the 1st Q, the Jazz are actually up 26-23, with Gobert already registering a double-double with 10 points and 10 boards. It’s a sign of what’s to come, Gobert finishes the game with 35 and 20 and the Jazz stun the home court (in reality, if the Jazz want to hang, Rudy will show he can guard multiple positions on d and take advantage on o). Walking into the locker room, Gobert takes a few t-shirts that were for the fans and rips them with his bare hands.

Game two is a blowout. The Warriors can’t miss from deep, and Klay Thompson has one of his 20-points-in-a-quarter games. Luckily for the Jazz though, it’s the last night the Warriors are hot from deep (in reality, if the Jazz defense can frustrate the shooters and somehow the Warriors go cold, they can steal a game or two). When they arrive in SLC for games three and four, the Jazz have plastered Matthew Dellavedova pictures all over the hallways and locker rooms. Steph is showering and a Delly cardboard cut out appears next to him. It haunts him, freaks him, and spooks him to the very (naked) core. He, and the rest of the team, can’t make a three the rest of the series. They are as cold as a swimsuit model ice fishing.

Seeing the Jazz have a chance, they capitalize and destroy while at home. The Warriors thought it would be a good idea to rest Durant for game three (in reality, if the knee isn’t 100% right they still win the series but it does get interesting) but they could have used his offense. The team lays so many bricks, a construction crew had to be called in to clear it all out. Jazz win game four when Dante Exum (in reality, I hope Exum gets some minutes. He could harass Steph in spurts to make him uncomfortable) comes in to give Steph fits. Joe Johnson, saddened that he hasn’t been getting much love for a few days now, decides to score 11 straight…. in each quarter….which fuels the Jazz win (in reality, just like last series Joe Johnson has the opportunity to be huge as the versatile position-less play-maker).

After having no nightlife in SLC, the Warriors team actually leave Utah happy. “We went to Lagoon on Sunday” says Steph Curry, “It was so much fun. I’ve never been on the White Roller-coaster before.” Durant agrees, “That Samurai ride was the one that gave me a trip. And Colossus! My goodness.” Draymond Green even concedes, “yeah, it sucks to lose but we had so much fun hanging out, eating churros, flirting with girls as we rode the tram back and forth. It was, like, for a minute, who cares about basketball? We’re young. We’ll win a ring next year so let’s have fun this year, ya know?”

In game five, the Jazz and Warriors give it their all but the Jazz look the better team. At halftime, Quin only shows highlights of the Baron Davis dunk over AK-47. The players are seething. During the 3rd Quarter, Hayward takes it upon himself to get some pay-back. He grabs the ball at the top of the key, dribbles hard to the left, rises up, and then dishes to a cutting Boris Diaw who gets cleared for take off, cocks the ball back, and slams it down so hard over Draymond Green it leaves him concussed. Why not? Series over in five, FOR THE JAZZ.

On the other hand, picture this:

The Jazz are tired. It’s their third game in five nights and they just aren’t that excited to be ambushed by the Warriors (in reality, this is true. I think they, specifically Favors and Ingles, are wearing down). Rudy Gobert doesn’t even jump at the opening tip, Steph doesn’t even dribble past half-court and fires up a long distance three to start the game. Splash. Quin calls timeout, pulls his starters, and puts in his bench after ten seconds of play. While he lectures on the sideline, the Jazz bench gets outscored 12-0 in 90 seconds. It’s ugly. Fast. And it’s over. Fast.

Prior to game two, “Raymond Dreen” shows up at Hayward’s hotel room with a silver platter. Hayward is, admittedly, hungry, so he takes the lid off and finds a bowl of soup and a sandwich covered in wrapping that looks awfully familiar to Zuppas, but it’s scratched out and is just called Duppas. He eats it. Gets food poisoned. When Dennis Lindsey finds out, he reads the Collective Bargaining Rule Book through the night, finds a loop hole that lets the Jazz sign Deshawn Stevenson (hey, in reality he’s only a year older than Boris Diaw). As you would expect, he’s too old and too fat and can’t play competitive basketball anymore. It was a dumb decision for everyone involved. They lose again, not in a pretty fashion.

Mike Brown is 2-0 as acting head coach (in reality, I don’t think the Steve Kerr injury changes anything. The players basically govern themselves anyways). Making things worse, Rudy Gobert goes down in the first 11 seconds of game three. He hits his knee on his elbow as he tried to do a scoop, post move. He crawls to the bench. Then is ruled out the rest of the series. He spends the rest of his spare time trying to connect with a Los Angeles Clippers cheerleader. Jazz management is so upset they sit him in a chair and buzz his head completely hair free. No more lightening bolt for you, Mr. Gobert!

Find someone that looks at you like this Clippers cheerleader looks at Rudy Gobert pic.twitter.com/5PiQ7eAm5c

— Tristan Roche (@tristanroche) April 30, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsGame four is here and the Jazz have some heart. Hayward especially looks good and alive, after having lost 10 lbs to the food poisoning. He goes off for 40 points, wearing a patch on his jersey honoring his boy AB – Alec Burks – silencing his Jazz fans who wish they would’ve taken Klay Thompson in the 2010 draft instead of AB (in reality, I do expect the Jazz to take one of the home games. They can get one. They can. I believe) (Also, in reality, why did we take AB?). With two seconds left in the game, the score is tied. The Jazz have the ball and Joe Ingles saunters over to inbound it. Draymond Green is guarding the in-bounds and for four seconds, Ingles has no where. He decides to line drive it, throwing it straight at Green’s head. The angle is perfect, it bounces miraculous into the hoop, Space Jam style, and the Jazz win game four. It was just that kind of night.

Game five is the opposite of that kind of night. Durant has 30, Steph has 30, and Klay has 30. The three alone outscore the entire Jazz team as the Jazz fall 124-86. The season is over, but Jazz fans are optimistic. They won the first round series, Hayward, Hill, and Ingles are returning. In the post game presser, Gobert says, “This was a good experience. Learning experience. We are excited to beat them next year.”

Can’t wait for another round of Jazz basketball. Let’s see what it brings.