Choose your own adventure stories were a thing; I don’t know if they still are a thing. And to be honest, I never even really read one as a kid but I know they exist.

The Utah Jazz are about to embark on their own adventure, a playoff grudge match vs the Los Angeles Clippers. It can go either way: really good or really bad. Choose your adventure and find out how it definitely-probably-very realistically will play out: for worse right here below or for good over here. 

On the heels of a 51 win season, with solid wins against the Spurs and Rockets on their seven-game win streak to end the season, the Clippers keep clipping.

With home-court advantage secured, all the Kobe fans in LA flip their jerseys and make way to Staples Center for a game one tilt vs the Jazz. Across national platforms, no is excited for this series as only Laker/Clipper fans and Utah tune in to the games.

The Jazz look every bit of bright eyed and nervous as many would expect for their first rodeo, and lose a doowsy, 94-76 in game one. Gordon Hayward shoots 3-14, Dante Exum picks up three fouls in three minutes, and Boris Diaw is slow. Making things worse, George Hill finally admits that the reason he’s had toe injuries throughout the year is because he actually had both big toes amputated. The original cause for the toe injury? Jazz bear, silly string and something about teasing him about the beach blonde hair. That’s all he would reveal.

Game two, thankfully, is much different as the Jazz come out with some hot shooting and tough defense to take a 59-48 lead at halftime. Rodney Hood especially is hot, hitting a half-court shot off the glass at the intermission buzzer. Having some fun, he shimmies in front of Austin Rivers, who is sitting in street clothes having dealt with a hamstring injury.

You can tell Rivers is peeved, but surprisingly he comes out of the break, dressed in his jersey and headband. He makes a Willis Reed-like surprise return a game early “wanting to be there for the home crowd” and starts the second half. He nails four straight threes, eventually seven in the quarter, and the Jazz never recover. In frustration, Hood shoves Rivers on a three-point attempt for an And-One, which sends the home crowd in a tizzy. During the post game presser, Rivers creates a fictitious birth certificate declaring himself “Rodney’s Daddy.”

Having been embarrassed the first two games, the Jazz look to Salt Lake as a rebirth and a new start. Instead, it goes south quickly. After the opening tip, George Hill takes the ball the wrong way to give LA two free points. On the next Jazz possession, Blake Griffin steals the ball, goes coast-to-coast and puts his arm behind his head, ala Karl Malone Hammer Dunks, and slams it down. Coming back for defense he looks at the Jazz bench and says “Malone could never deliver” which makes Jeff Withey so upset he springs up from the bench, onto the court, grabs Grif in a headlock, and gives him a noogie. Withey is ejected, and suspended, and it’s like the Jazz’s soul goes with him. Clippers win Game Three, 98-90.

Hayward tries to will himself in making a shot (in the regular season against the Clippers, Hayward only averaged 15.7 points on 38% shooting) but as he keeps shooting and shooting, he keeps missing and missing. In the second half, Hayward stops shooting all together, disappears, and eventually walks to the end of the bench – without being subbed out – done for the season, and presumably done for his Jazz career.

In the past two playoff match-ups vs the Clippers, the Jazz won both. In 2017, the Jazz are swept.

Hayward does end up leaving Salt Lake, for the Clippers of all teams, and George Hill decides he wants to be in the Spurs system so he takes off too. Joe Johnson surprisingly retires, opting to open a hot-yoga studio in downtown Salt Lake instead. The Jazz have money and need to feel the voids so they give a max contract to Joe Ingles, who gladly accepts, and he and Gobert start perfecting their alley-oop connection. The Jazz fight for the 8th seed the following year, finishing a game short due to an embarrassing blowout home loss to the Timberwolves.

The Clippers feel real good about themselves, now on a 11 game win streak, but end up getting swept by the Warriors the next round. Chris Paul is still sad.

(Playoffs begin Saturday. I can’t wait.)